A Love That Requires No Less
by AshGurl2897
Summary: Spoilers for 1x05. Basically, Ben's thoughts in a run-through of episode 5, with verbatim dialogue. I really think the complexity of Ben's character is lost sometimes in the show. How does he really feel about Amy's pregnancy? What will happen to them?


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the dialogue, but I do love the show.

Notes: Ben-centric, this is pretty much a straight run-through of episode 5. It begins with the proposal scene in the park, is followed up by Ben talking to Mr. Molina, and ends with Ben's phone message to Amy. It uses all the dialogue from the show, verbatim, but I've put in Ben (and occasionally others thoughts). I really enjoy exploring Ben's thoughts and justifying his actions, I wish we were more in his head in the series. He's such a decent guy, but I don't think people give him credit, writing him off as implausible. It's just that the show's perspective is mostly from Amy and Ben has a good exterior, but I think he's struggled more inside with all this then we've seen. Come on! His girlfriend is pregnant but another guy. He hides it well, and in the end really does not care and he wants to marry her because he believes it is right, and he has to at least give her that option.

--

At first he didn't know quite what to say as she sat there holding the ring, sobbing in his arms. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed her pain before. He'd been quite dense, literally blinded by his infatuation with her. Clearly, and understandably, this was the most difficult thing she'd had to deal with. He wondered what he could have done better to convince her that she could have confided in him. She spoke, she cried, and suddenly words came rolling off his lips. His brain was barely connected to the actions he was taking. He was running purely on instinct -- on the beat of his heart.

"You know. About me," she whimpered.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I know that I love you and I want to marry you." He tightened his already firm grip on her shoulder in a reassuring manner.

"Why did this have to happen to me?" she sobbed.

"Well, I know you could have fallen in love with someone who is more deserving, but I'm not that bad." He replied, attempting to bring some levity to the situation. Humor was his coping mechanism. "Don't cry," he added. It hurt him so much to see her cry.

"Who told you?"

"What?"

"Who told you?!" She asked again. This time her tone demanded an answer. He gave in. There was no use in pretending. She knew he knew, and he had been right.

"My Dad," he answered reluctantly.

"Your Dad knows?"

"He suspected."

"I am so embarrassed."

"No, don't be embarrassed. It's okay," he said softly. He knew having this conversation wouldn't be easy, but he didn't want her to feel shamed by him. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn't ashamed of her and she shouldn't be ashamed of herself. It was an accident.

"No, it's not okay. It's definitely not okay," she fought back. "Ben, you're such a nice person. I'm such a whore."

"Shhh," he whispered, again trying to comfort her. It was so quiet that he almost wasn't sure he'd done it. "Well," he said pausing. "You're my whore," he replied. As the words rolled off his tongue, he knew that that was one of those statements that should have remained in his head, and possibly the worst joke he'd made yet.

Her glare confirmed his feelings on the matter.

"I'm sorry. It was a joke. I just meant that I love you." His thumb drew lazy circles on her shoulder as he spoke. _Does she love me?_ He wondered. _Why won't she answer the question?_

"What am I going to do?" Amy looked up, searching his deep brown eyes for an answer. She found none.

"Well, marry me, of course."

"I can't get married!" She replied angrily. It was a tone Ben hadn't expected from her, but he understood it was anger to cover pain, just like he covered his with humor. "My parents will never let me. I'm only fifteen. I'm not even sure they're gonna let me do this! Maybe they'll want me to get an abortion or something."

"No. No, Amy. You don't have to do that, I'm here for you." He sighed. "Look, I know that I can be a complete idiot some of the time. Or, most of the time," he corrected.

She let out a short breath that he took to be a laugh. _Finally_, he thought, relieved.

"But, I love you. And I'll care for you if you let me," he said looking straight into her eyes. This was important. She had to know that. We can tell your parents that it's my baby, yours and mine, and that we're getting married."

"I am so stupid. Ben, I lied to you. I had sex with Ricky. It was awful sex though. It only lasted like two seconds and I wasn't even sure it was sex, until this happened. What am I gonna do?"

"Everything's gonna be fine. I don't know how or when, but everything is gonna be fine," he repeated.

"How do you know that?" She asked, hoping against hope that he had some magical secret to knowing things would be okay.

"Because everything is fine," he replied. It was all he could think to say. If she would stay with him, if she would marry him, he believed everything would be fine.

"No, everything is not fine. I'm getting fatter and fatter by the second and more and more people are finding out. Sooner or later my parents are gonna find out. So is Ricky."

"You haven't told him yet?" Ben was a bit shocked. _Wasn't Ricky the first one that should know? Then again, he was Ricky._

She shook her head.

"Then don't. As far as Ricky and the whole rest of the world is concerned, that's my baby and that you're my wife, Mrs. Amy Boykewich – the sausage queen." He smiled. She managed a smile as well at the thought of being the sausage queen. "Or no, the sausage princess," he corrected himself. Amy looked away, still not wanting to handle all this.

"And please," he said, moving his head to bring her gaze back to him once more. "Let me be your prince."

--

"It's not your decision to make. You might want to have some say in the decision, you might want to express your opinion, but it's not your decision to make. Encourage Amy to talk to her parents right away and go along with whatever it is she wants to do, or commit to taking responsibility for the next eighteen years and beyond." Mr. Molina was intense when he needed to be.

Ben could tell that he was very serious about this, and he understood the seriousness of the matter. Abortion was something that Amy had considered, but Ben didn't want to her to have to go through that. Yes, it might seem like the easy answer. Yes, it was her body and he knew it wasn't his decision, but he also remembered hearing stories of women that struggled for years with emotional grief after an abortion. Mr. Molina hadn't steered him wrong before, but what Mr. Molina didn't know, was that he'd already offered to take that responsibility and Amy hadn't given him a conclusive answer. He'd shared his deepest feelings with her and he'd offered to be her prince, her protector. And as cheesy as that sounded, he'd meant it.

But, when he thought about the situation for too long, or too often, he realized he was scared to death of what would become of the pair. Nonetheless, he was willing to put his future and his reputation (masquerading - to her parents and the whole rest of the world -as the guy who got her pregnant) on the line for her -- her and the baby. It actually surprised him a little bit, this was forever they were talking about here. Forever at fifteen years old was a pretty intense thought. He had to follow his heart though, and this is what his heart was telling him was right. It was what he knew was right. He would support her in whatever choice she made, but he knew that he had to offer the marry her. His love for her required no less.

Ben's eyes darted back and forth, unable to hold Mr. Molina's gaze. He feared that Mr. Molina would discover his secret, the fear he'd been trying to hide from everyone, including Amy. It was his job to be the strong one. He had to hold it together to be there for her.

"I should be talking to Ricky, shouldn't I?" Mr. Molina sighed, realizing the extent of Ben's situation.

As Mr. Molina spoke, the whole story flashed before Ben's eyes just as Amy had told it to him. It was helped along by his active imagination. He could see Ricky manhandling her, he saw Amy's scared face and he imagined what her reaction must have been when she took a pregnancy test. _She's so alone and scared_, he thought. Though Ben had never seen these things, they haunted his mind as if he'd been right there with her as she went through them. He wished he could have been.

Tears formed behind his eyes and Ben couldn't hold back this wave of emotion any longer. He turned away, not wanting Molina to see his fear and sadness.

"I'm sorry, kid. I'm really sorry," Mr. Molina replied.

"About what?" Ben looked back at him, trying to act like none of it mattered, like he was perfectly fine with all of this. But it was no use hiding, Mr. Molina understood. He saw it all in Ben's fragile brown eyes.

"About everything," he replied. Mr. Molina picked up the tissue box on the desk and offered them to the devastated but courageous young man.

"Sure," Ben replied, taking one.

--

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hi, this is Amy's phone. Leave a message!" _Voicemail again_, he thought. She sounded so cheerful in her message it was hard for Ben to listen to, considering the hardship she was facing now. She hadn't sounded that happy in days or perhaps weeks. She'd yelled at him the last time he'd talked to her and before that she'd been crying. He wanted nothing more than to make it better. He understood that she had to go through this part on her own. She had to choose to lean on him.

BEEP!

"Hi, Amy Juergens. It's Ben Boykewich here. Remember the first time I called you? Seems like a million years ago. But, when we're married and we spend like 75 years together, it'll seem like yesterday." He chuckled lightly and sighed.

He pictured them together, like that old couple at the park, hand in hand and happier than the day they'd met – though considering how happy Amy had made Ben the day they met, he thought it might be hard to top that.

"Okay, well. Come on, marry me," he insisted. He knew he shouldn't, but he had to tell her again, he had to make sure she knew. He had to persuade her to believe that this could be right for them, this could be their happily ever after, even if it was with a baby at the age of sixteen. "People used to get married when they were 14, didn't they? I don't know, kings and queens, and pharaohs or something? Mayans? I don't know."

Ben didn't know.

"I just know I love you, and the offer of marriage is good for a lifetime. So, you just let me know when and where, and the two of us will take off together." He smiled at the thought of them in a little quaint chapel somewhere, holding hands and exchanging "I do's" in front of a minister and an floral archway.

He pictured how stunning she would look in a wedding dress, her beautiful reddish-brown hair played off by a pale off-white dress. He imagined the preacher telling him that he could kiss his bride, and he felt another wide smile spread across his face as he imagined kissing her to seal the deal. _Amazing_, he thought. As difficult as he knew it would be, and as scary as it was to imagine providing for and being responsible for a baby at just sixteen years old, he truly believed that they could make it work together. His love for her was strong, only rivaled in strength by his will to see this situation through, to see everything alright again. He'd promised it would be. Ben always kept his promises. If she would only trust him, if she could love him the way he loved her, they would be happy.

"Okay. Goodnight," he said, electing not to share any of his thoughts with her right now. He'd told her all he could without frightening her anymore. With everything on the table, the decision was up to her. No matter what she chose, she would still be his Amy, the girl he loved.

He moved the phone from his ear and pressed the talk button. He stared at it for a brief moment and swallowed the lump of fear and sadness in his throat.

He looked up at the moon that hung like a heavy weight in the night sky, the same moon which miles away, Amy was looking at as she wondered, wished, hoped, and even prayed that everything would turn out alright.

--


End file.
